01
Real Cost
What you actually pay per month
✓
Performance floor + retainer
We get paid when you get results. Floor written into the SOW.
~
$5K – $25K / month
Retainer regardless of outcome. No skin in the game.
×
$120K – $200K / year
Fully loaded — salary, benefits, equity, tools, ramp time.
02
Roster & Focus
How many other accounts compete for attention
✓
8 clients max · always
We've turned down clients we wanted because we couldn't run the 9th properly.
×
50 – 200 active accounts
You're one of dozens. Your account manager has 12 others.
✓
1 employer (you)
100% dedicated, but limited by single perspective and skill set.
03
Who You Actually Talk To
The person who picks up the phone
✓
Founder + Growth Lead
Direct Slack + email + phone. No account manager intermediary.
×
Account manager
A buffer between you and the people doing the work. Game of telephone.
~
The hire (singular)
One human, one perspective. Everything depends on their range.
04
Reporting Cadence
How often you see the numbers
✓
Weekly receipts · every Monday
Live dashboard you can check anytime. Branded weekly summary email.
×
Monthly slide deck
A 30-day blackbox between knowing what's working and what's broken.
~
Ad-hoc, depends on the hire
As good as their reporting habits. Often informal and inconsistent.
05
Reports Hide Bad Weeks?
Whether failures are visible or buried
✓
Never. Same font as wins.
If a test failed, the slide says it failed. If a campaign tanked, the dashboard shows it.
×
Often. By design.
Most monthly reports are PDFs designed to make the agency look busy.
~
Depends on the person
Some are honest about misses. Some learn to massage the numbers to keep their job.
06
Tests Have Kill Dates
A defined moment when "we were wrong"
✓
Always. Written in advance.
Every test has a hypothesis, a sample size, and a kill date. If it can't lose, it isn't a test.
×
Rarely
Tests run forever. "We need more data" is the most common excuse for inaction.
×
Almost never
Most in-house marketers don't have the bandwidth to write hypotheses, let alone kill dates.
07
Attribution Rigor
How accurately you can trace revenue
✓
Hyros + CRM reconciled
Server-side tracking. Every closed-won deal traced to its originating ad. Within 30% accuracy.
×
Ad-platform reporting
Inflates actual conversions by 30–50%. The grader is also the one being graded.
~
Whatever they set up
As good as their data background. Often inherited from a previous role.
08
Creative Velocity
How fast new variants ship
✓
20+ variants / week
Built-in production pipeline. Top 3 winners get 68% of spend within 14 days.
~
3 – 5 variants / week
Bottlenecked by junior designers and approval cycles. Loses to ad fatigue.
×
1 – 3 / week (capacity-limited)
One person can't write copy, design, and ship at agency velocity. Usually shouldn't.
09
Accountability
What happens if they don't perform
✓
Performance floor in SOW
If we miss the floor, we're cutting our own retainer. Skin in the game from day one.
×
Retainer regardless
Paid every month even when results stall. The retainer is the product.
×
Salary regardless
Paid every two weeks. Firing them is expensive, slow, and morale-damaging.
10
Time To First Result
When you'll see the first real win
✓
2 – 3 weeks
Day 1 audit, day 7 creative slate live, day 14 first variant winners promoted.
~
6 – 8 weeks
Onboarding, kickoff, audit, first creative review, first launch... weeks 5+.
×
4 – 12 weeks (ramp)
Hiring takes 6–8 weeks alone. Then onboarding. Then ramp. First real win at month 4+.
11
When Things Break
How fast you find out and respond
✓
Same day · usually within 4 hours
Live dashboard alerts, weekly reviews, founder-level escalation paths.
×
Next monthly review
By the time it's in the slide deck, the bleeding has been going on for 30 days.
~
When you find out
Depends on whether they tell you or hope it fixes itself before you ask.
12
Risk Profile
What you're actually exposed to
✓
Low — performance floor
Floor caps the downside. 90-day exit clause. Worst case: you're out a quarter.
~
Medium — retainer trap
12-month contracts, slow exit clauses, money out the door even when results stall.
×
High — hiring + firing cost
$30K+ to hire (recruiter, time), $50K+ to fire (severance, ramp loss, morale).
THE VERDICT
Twelve Rows. Twelve Wins.
This isn't a marketing exercise. It's the same comparison we'd run if we were buying for ourselves. We published the honest version because we win on every row that matters — and the rows where in-house wins (full dedication, single ownership) are the rows we'd recommend hiring in-house anyway, just *after* we've gotten you to the point where it makes sense.